Senior year...ugggghhh...
I'm supposed to be able to do St. John's stuff AND think about senior essay AND figure out plans for next year? Not happening. For the last month I have been shifting my attention from one of these from the other, but have yet to figure out the balancing act that will help me succeed at all three at once.
Ben and I have been talking about next year, but have nothing approaching a firm idea of what we're doing. Right now all we know is that we probably aren't going to be able to apply anywhere this year. I really really really want to be a midwife, but am not able to cope with the loss of respect I would have endure by entering a marginalized medical profession. Maybe I could become a psychologist and then see later if I want to be a midwife. At least then I'd have a real postgraduate degree. All I know is that I want to help people and get a little respect along the way. How would you, dear family, react to me becoming a midwife?
Meanwhile, I am listening to A LOT of Bach and have been slowly becoming convinced of the following: Just because I don't speak the language of Hegel or Kant or Hume (I'm still hoping I'll understand Kierkegaard) doesn't mean I'm a stupid or antiphilosophical person. Maybe people really do choose their philosophy, and I can choose the philosophy that is best suited to my intuitive, interpersonal way of existing. So maybe religion is emotional and maybe Bach (and most music) is emotional and maybe all the literature I like is emotional. I find meaning in it. I am more intuitive than analytical. I need to quit holding this against myself.
Grandma and Grandpa Callahan called and asked me all sorts of questions about my relationship with Ben. So to set the record straight: We are living together, I really love him, and we're not getting married. After what happened with Laszlo I will be waiting A LONG TIME before promising to marry anyone. I'm happy, so don't judge me, people.
Keirkegaard is supposed to be the most attractive man on the program. I bet Hegel isn't even in the running.
3 comments:
Midwife=totally cool.
(Actually, I kind of need you to become a midwife and move to India with me where I'll be starting up a children's home/liberated prostitute home/husbandless mother's with AIDS and children home/clinic. I haven't quite decided where to focus yet, can you tell?)
Oh, and I'm all about being intuitive and allowing yourself to be who you are regardless of how that looks to some people who don't matter anyway. For example, I don't like potato salad and I'm tired of pretending I do. Liberation!
Jaime is right, I'm totally cool with the midwifery thing. Jaime will need company in India when I'm not there.
Only my lovely Jaime can move from intuitive religion to potato salad, but alas she's right. Only I call intuition faith. You can only do what your faith allows you to do, anymore and it's disingenuous. I think this is at the heart of Jesus' stories about people bearing fruit according to the amount of faith they had. 100x's or 10x's it's all cool because it's all good fruit and it's all born out of faith. The difficulty really lies with those who bear a lot of good fruit to not be judgmental of those who don't bear much at all and be glad that there's any faith at all...anywho...my two cents...back to French and German!!! Yay!
I didn't think we were talking about religion. I thought we were talking about philosophy and potato salad. Oops.
Oh, and Anne, I'm sorry about the Callahan call. They just stopped by on Friday and asked us a few questions about Ben, but they were questions like, "Is he tall?" I guess they saved all the nice probing questions for you.
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